jokes

a new site for me gives me a chance to recycle some old/new gags....

I always like to put music on to enhance the mood when I'm having sex.

Usually Whitesnake's 'Here I Go Again On My Own'.
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Sitting on the toilet this morning, I was reminded of my first divorce.

At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork.
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My wife's a magician.She can turn anything into an argument.
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When I was growing up I used to suffer from unwanted erections.Mainly my dad's.
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My wife is like James Bond; she has a license to kill.Or a driving license as it's known.
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I've been sending my wife suggestive texts for the last few nights.I suggested she lost weight or fucked off.
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A woman asked the hardware store clerk, "Do you have any batteries?" "Yes." The clerk gestures with his finger. "Can you come this way?" "If I could come that way," the woman answered, "I wouldn't need the batteries "

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Felt a bit of an arsehole today.
Fucking cheap loo roll.
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I was sitting listening to muddy waters this morning...... That's the last time I drink 10 pints of Lager followed by a vindaloo.
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Just bought my misses a new fridge fir her birthday ,You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
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My wife spends every night in town, going into pub after pub.And she always fucking finds me.